Comm Check
by Awatere11
Summary: Ianto's day off but he is called into work anyway. The conversation he has with one Andy Davidson while waiting at a roadblock is illuminating ... for many.


Ianto groaned as he moved in the bed, seeking Jack's warmth only to remember that it was Jack had left hours ago.

Pulling the covers down and exposing his head to the cold flat produced another drawn out moan as he realized that Jack had turned off the bloody heater again.

Just because he liked cuddling and knew a cold Welshman is clingier. Was no real excuse!

Bastard.

The comms were pinging.

Ianto growled softly as this was clearly what had woken him and he slammed his hand down on the bedside table, half-pie hoping they were now broken but the resilient ping continued.

Ianto sat up and inserted the comms, keying the on switch.

"Sir?"

" _Ianto! Do you know what time it is?"_

"Yes sir. It's 'why is my heater off again' time" Ianto said dryly and Owen's snort was heard.

"Sir? Are we on open comms?" Ianto sighed.

" _When you are finished whining about the cold, the cold we have been slogging about in for the last four hours looking for a piece of bloody tat that turned out to be a hairdryer … yeah! A fucking …"_

"Owen? Is there a point to this?" Ianto was pulling on his shirt as he listened tp the spluttering.

" _Look, just get in here before we all go bloody mad!" Jack huffed, "You've slept enough!"_

"Jack, can we have a moment over on the other channel?" Ianto sighed as he regarded his reflection.

" _Not now!" Jack snapped._

Ianto frowned at himself and then poked out his tongue.

He stomped down to the garage and uncovered the Audi, no bloody way he was walking in this snow!

" _Ianto?"_

"Sir."

" _ETA?"_

"I am leaving the underground parking garage now"

" _Ah. Good. Sorry if I was short I just … OWEN! Do that to Tosh's chair again and you're going on the bloody naughty step!"_

Ianto sighed as he rounded a bend and swore softly.

" _What?"_

"Road block. Looks like an accident ahead."

" _Well, turn around! Go around it!"_

"Can't already boxed in with traffic" Ianto replied calmly.

" _Well, twos and blues! Push!"_

"Audi. Not SUV!"

" _Ah Fuck!" Owen swore in the background, "He's never going to make it in time, I' a gonner!"_

" _Shut up Owen."_

" _Tell my mother … tell her …. Arghhhh….errrrggggghhhhh….tell her …. Grunt ….. she's still a bitch ….aaaaaaaarrrrrrgghhhh"_

" _Owen, cut it out."_

Ianto rolled his eyes and let his head fall back against the headrest as he counted his breaths.

The passenger door opened and Andy leapt in, rubbing his hands against the heating vents.

"Bloody hell, as cold as a witch's tit out there, Buddy!" Andy crowed.

Ianto wordlessly handed him the thermos of coffee and Andy groaned orgasmically.

"Ah, you're a bloody lifesaver!" Andy sighed after a sip, "Knew I could count on you!"

"What's going on up there?"

" _Who is that, is that Andy?" Gwen chimed._

"The little turd of a prick son of the commissioner took his car last might and wrapped it around a power pole." Andy said, then took another swig, "Trying to clear it now."

"Is he OK?"

"Not when his Daddy sees the beamer!" Andy giggled, "Nah, little twat is fine."

Ianto phone started to ring and he absently hit the Bluetooth, letting the radio crackle.

"Ianto?" Rhiannon's voice was calming. "Hello Teddy Bear."

"Hey Rhia" Ianto smiled at the voice.

"Hey Rhia" Andy chimed in.

"Who's that?" she asked.

"Andy Davidson, remember? Lived in 6a?" Andy said as he checked the flask, then took another swig.

"Andy Pandy! Oh my God, trust you two to have found each other!" she laughed.

"Oi! Don't pick on me Panda!" Ianto growled.

"Sorry Teddy" she laughed softly, "You two though … if he weren't a copper you would both have been in prison by now!"

"Parkour is a sport Rhia!" Ianto said grumpily, "We were only arrested that one time and it was all blown out of proportion!"

"Yeah, old man Banks was always a nutta!" Andy scoffed.

"Well, I wanted to know if you are coming tonight or at the weekend" Rhia interrupted.

"Will have to be Saturday, sorry. Called into work again" Ianto said sadly, "Sorry Rhia."

"Oh! You have to work? On your bloody birthday?" she blustered.

"Yeah, well. The life of a paper pusher is never easy" Ianto smiled, "See ya sat."

"OK Teddy. Good to hear from you Pandy" she clicked off.

"I thought you got a day off on your birthday" Andy said as he looked at the dejected Welshman.

"Yeah, well apparently not!" Ianto grumbled as he crawled the car forward.

"But Gwen got one off, she told me!" Andy frowned.

"Yeah, well she's team. The team all got the day off. Apparently I'm just support staff" Ianto shrugged, "Just another day at the office for the portable coffee maker!"

"But, what about Molder. Surely he would give his boyfriend a day off on his bloody birthday!" Andy scoffed.

"I'm not his boyfriend" Ianto barked, "Sorry. Sorry, didn't mean to snap like that. It's just … he hates labels. Keeps telling me how he hated the word 'couple' and stuff. He doesn't love me ya know."

"Really?" Andy raised his eyebrows, "I thought you two were attached at his coat tails."

"No. I'm just … convenient" Ianto sighed, "Sometimes … well. Sometimes I'm not. He goes elsewhere if I press too hard. So, ya know … don't needle him about me. Last time you called me the missus he didn't touch me for a week. His clothes smelt of other people when I took then to the dry cleaners. I felt really put in my place."

"Bummer" Andy grimaced as he opened the passenger door to alight.

"Ya know what?" he said as he popped his head back down, "remember that physics teacher we hated? Remember the laxatives you put in his coffee that morning?"

Ianto started to laugh and reached out to take his childhood friend's hand.

"Good to see ya Teddy" Andy called, "Feels funny calling you Ianto in front of the others."

"I know. Love you too Pandy" Ianto smiled and waved as Andy jogged back to the now cleared accident site.

He drove to the hub and parked, taking a moment to center himself. He then entered the hub and headed for the kitchen.

Coffees were handed out in silence, apart from quiet 'thank you's from those sitting meekly at their workstations.

Ianto then walked calmly into Jack's office and slammed the mug down, pivoting to leave.

"It's your birthday" Jack said softly.

"Sir?"

"It's your birthday and I forgot."

"Doesn't matter" Ianto smiled that pinched little smile that whispered decaf.

"I … I mean … Ianto …"

"Oi!" Owen stood with his mug in his hand.

Ianto walked out to the walkway and leaned on the railing, making sure Jack could see his arse through the split in the back of his jacket.

"This is safe, right?" Owen raised the mug.

"Safe?"

"Yeah. No laxatives, not decaf, you didn't spit in it …." Owen asked.

"Safe" Ianto frowned, "You … ah. God. The comms."

"Yeah, you had them on the whole time" Jack said quietly as he walked up behind him.

"Oh god, sorry" Ianto looked horrified as he rubbed his face.

"Look, why not go home, get some sleep. We're fine now." Jack said.

"Sure."

Ianto went to leave and Jack caught his elbow, pulling him in for a kiss.

Ianto blushed as Jack looked at him long and hard.

"Sleep. Tonight we are going out on the town, you and me" Jack smiled, softly, "We'll paint this town red."

Ianto skipped down the stairs as a chorus of 'Happy Birthday' was sung.

As he drove home he pondered the events that had unfolded.

He smiled as he climbed back onto the bed, knowing Jack would be climbing in with him before their night of fun.

Gotta 'forget' the comms more often.

He idly wondered how long those laxatives were going to take with Owen as he drifted off.


End file.
